That’s right, folks, I’m here again to share with you all of the ‘best’ entries that my colleagues and I came across while tallying the nearly 133,000 (!) votes from our 2024 Best of Rhode Island Readers’ Poll. Just like in years prior (see: 2022 and 2023), there was the creative, the puzzling, and even the somewhat concerning, and we just couldn’t keep them all to ourselves.
But first, for those of you who just clicked on this because you saw “Best of Rhode Island” in the name and were hoping to find the results, rest assured you won’t have to wait too much longer. The party is happening in just a couple days on July 25 at the WaterFire Arts Center — grab a ticket here and you can be one of the first to see the full list. Or, if you can wait it out, the issue will hit newsstands next week.
Now, onto the hilarity.
The Mistaken Identity Entries
Under statewide restaurant: “Animal Rescue RI”
At least, I sincerely hope this was a mistake.
Under statewide restaurant: “Dispensary”
We’re asking where to go after the munchies hit, Joe.
Under statewide restaurant: “#rcsom”
Help, I only know so much hashtag.
Under statewide brunch: “Mona Lisa”
Is that what the smile is really about?
Under statewide winery: “Grey sail brewing”
Ah, so close.
Under alcoholic bottled product: “Yacht Club Soda”
Missing a key ingredient there.
Under morning show: “Do you remember?”
The twenty-first night in September?
The “You Know You Can Just Skip This One, Right?” Entries
Under new restaurant: “Don’t Know”
Under statewide bakery: “IDK”
Under vegan/vegetarian restaurant: “no clue”
Thank you. So helpful. Don’t know what we’d do without these.
Under statewide winery: “none”
Under Providence music venue: “There aren’t any.”
The thousands of votes that rolled in would beg to differ.
Under bar to people watch: “should not be a category!”
What do you have against people watching, Brenda?
Under statewide bagels: “There are no good bagels in rhode island”
Go back to New York, why don’t cha.
Under statewide oyster bar: “ew.”
I mean honestly my thoughts exactly but sometimes you don’t have to say the quiet part out loud.
Under locally owned seafood: “Hate that for me”
Me too, dude. You’re missing out.
Under male sportscaster: “Not [redacted] he’s so bad”
Under influencer: “Anyone but [redacted]”
Ooof.
Under statewide cannabis dispensary: “None they all rip people off”
Listen, not everyone knows a guy.
Under bathroom for selfie taking: “Wtf?”
Just roll with it Sharon.
Under Newport art gallery: “Kiss my ass”
My guy, did you get outbid at an auction or something?
The Cocky Entries
Under statewide cocktail list: “ours”
Under Newport outdoor dining: “My backyard”
Okay so drop the addies?
Under bathroom for selfie taking: “ours”
This one we’ll take your word for it.
Under influencer: “me”
Go off, sis.
Under statewide cannabis dispensary: “My guy”
Sounds like you need to get in touch with the “rip people off” person from above.
Under local music venue: “My Spotify”
Again, drop the playlist so we can judge.
The Very Specific Entries
First, can I just give a special shout out to those who take the time to differentiate between the two Apsaras in Providence. You’re a real one.
Under statewide bagels: “Bagelz with a z”
I appreciate the follow up.
Under statewide brunch: “Dunkin’ on Post Road”
Shout out to the three Dunkin’s on Post Road.
Under statewide desserts: “chocolate cake at Gregg’s,” “Passion fruit dark swirl from Aura’s” and “snowball in hell — Clarke Cooke House”
Usually we’re just looking for a business name, but now it seems to me like we need a taste test in the office.
The Not So Specific Entries
Under bartender: “Michael,” “Ryan,” “Zach,” etc.
Do you all really think we’re on first name bases with every bartender in the state? Or that there aren’t multiple guys behind the various bars named Mike? I’m tired.
Under Newport men’s boutique: “That British one on spring”
Can I introduce you to this great thing called Google?
Under statewide food event: “Seafood fest” or “food trucks” or “restaurant week”
But which ones Steve!?
Under catering: “!!!!!!!”
Love the enthusiasm.
Under Providence Italian restaurant: “Federal Hill”
Under Providence outdoor dining: “Federal Hill”
We get itttttt you love the hillllll but that’s not a bussinesssss. I’m about to just award Judge Caprio and call it a day.
Under statewide new restaurant: “Restaurant”
I’m so tired.
Under statewide music store: “Type in ___”
You’re really going to leave me hanging like that?
The “It’s Called Best of RHODE ISLAND, y’all” Entries
Under statewide bagels: “Dunkin” and “Panera”
Under cheap eats: “McDonalds,” “Dunkin’,” “IHOP,” “Wendy’s,” and “Taco Bell”
I’m begging all of you to expand you palates.
Under statewide influencer: “Taylor Swift”
I’m not mad at this one. Can everyone actually vote for her next year so we have an excuse to send a party invite to her Watch Hill mansion?
Under statewide morning show: “The Today Show,” “Drew Barrymore,” “Gene Gene the Dancing Machine,” “The View,” “Good Morning America,” “Fox and Friends”
I’m willing to make exceptions for the first three, however big a stretch they may be (1. Meredith Vieira is from RI and once hosted the Today Show; 2. Barrymore has loose family ties to RI royalty; 3. maybe they were referring to Valicenti?), but I’m shaking my head at the rest.
Under cannabis dispensary: “So many Massachusetts dispensaries”
You do realize it’s legal here now, right?
The In Denial Entries
Under statewide bagels: “Rebelle Artisan”
Under statewide brewery: “Bayberry Beer Hall”
Under Providence burger: “Luxe”
Under statewide diner: “Bishop’s 4th Street Diner”
Psst maybe keep up with our Diner’s Update?
The Too Fast Typer Entries
Under statewide oyster bar: “Mary Nick”
This is hands down my favorite Matunuck typo.
Under news anchorman: There were 47 different variations of Gene Valicenti and 37 different spellings for Dan Jaehnig.
My personal favorites: “Valalentinni” and “Jayyningg.”
Under statewide brunch: “The farners omelletr”
Too many mimosas, perhaps?
Under statewide clam shack: “Blunt clam shack”
Now this is a concept.
Under statewide newspaper: “Providence general”
This just got the General auto insurance commercial tune stuck in my head.
Under news anchorwoman: “Patrice holly wood”
I’m sensing a new nickname?
Under wedding live band: “Blurred bison”
All I’m picturing is a blind wild animal bursting into a wedding reception. It’d be memorable, that’s for sure.
Under Providence burger: “Their their”
This hurts my editor soul.
Under statewide hair salon: “G spot salon”
… No comment.
Under statewide fitness class: “Bodega yoga”
Under statewide ice cream: “Gelato taiyaki”
More strokes of accidental genius.
Under statewide al fresco dining: “MOB”
The amount of time this took me to realize this meant Matunuck Oyster Bar and that it was not a Federal Hill mafia reference is embarrassing.
Under statewide cocktail list: “RI cursing cocktails”
This could be a fun class, actually.
Under specialty food shop: “South c*nty bread”
The number of people who accidentally left the ‘o’ out of County is astonishing.
Under Newport diner: “Tiggers”
Under Newport breakfast: “Dante’s inferno”
Hey they tried. But to make matters worse neither of the correct spellings of these eateries are located in Newport.
The Out of Left Field Entries
Under beer on tap list: “Quit playing with your dingy”
I know (now) this is the name of a beer, but boy did it catch me off guard.
Under podcast: “Please delete this” and “a really good podcast”
Again, turns out these are real podcast names, but yea I totally thought I was dealing with trolls there for a sec.
Under podcast: “Since I enjoy Tommy Quinlan… MLS talk with Tommy Quinlan”
I appreciate you walking me through your thought process.
Under statewide hotel/inn: “Anything near statehouse Cheesecake Factory”
Honestly not the landmark I would have expected but sure okay.
Under date night: “Dairy Queen,” “out to eat,” “Netflix and chill”
Come on, I know you all can do better than that. Your poor partners.
Under statewide chef: “The one at statehouse Cheesecake Factory”
Okay, now I’m intrigued.
Under statewide wine shop: “Dicks wow”
When I tell you I almost spit out my water… I ahve no explanation for this one.
Under statewide bartender: “The one at statehouse Cheesecake Factory”
Never mind, I’m calling fake fan here — why don’t you know any names?
Under local newspaper: “rimonthly”
Under local event: “Best of RI”
Woah, meta. Thanks, though!
Under local gift shop: “Kent county hospital”
Maybe a little morbid but I mean I guess you can’t go wrong with a teddy bear.
Under Newport pet salon/boutique: “Alex Trebek’s mother”
I have so many questions.